


The Things We Won't Say When We're Both Awake

by mahosho



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Canon Compliant, Canon Universe, F/M, Gen, Hunk (Voltron) is a Good Friend, I Will Go Down With This Ship, Literal Sleeping Together, Mild Language, Not Beta Read, Pining, Pining Pidge | Katie Holt, Reach into your local Black Lion to find a good boy and friend and leader, Sleeptalking, cryptid talk, in this house we let the paladins curse, lidge, light s7 spoilers, lol, no longer canon compliant beginning with chapter 3, pidgance, plance, season 7, someone's gotta keep these plance watered, watering my plance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-16
Updated: 2018-08-21
Packaged: 2019-06-28 06:16:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 7,838
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15701538
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mahosho/pseuds/mahosho
Summary: They're not as great at sharing feelings as they used to be. Not that they were great before. They've just gotten worse at it ever since they've both had some epiphanies.What are friends for, if not to help each other out in these times of need?Chapter 4 is up!!! (pending a re-read from me once I've gotten an actual decent amount of sleep... lol. it's 3am again)





	1. Tell Me What You Think And I'll Tell You How I Feel

“Lance? _Lance!?_ Did you just go AFK on me? Really? You’d better literally be asleep, or I'll knock you out myself.” Pidge hisses as her dwarf tank takes damage from all sides. She nudges her Player 2’s leg with her elbow, regretting it instantly when that moment of distraction costs her dwarf his life. The game over screen taunts her with a mocking tone, but there isn’t much she can do in this particular dungeon when it’s just her, so she shuts everything down.

“Quiznak,” she spits, turning to look up at her self-proclaimed DPS pro. This noodle had the nerve to pass out with the controller still sitting in his palms. “Thanks for the support, man.”

Still miffed, she drags herself to her feet to put the gaming setup back under the bed. The dim amber glow of the night lights embedded into the Garrison walls makes everything look soft and warm. A certain handsome sleeping face keeps drawing her eyes in for longer than she’d like. Even Lance’s sharp features look nice and smooth right now. _‘Soft boy... Being asleep and also on Earth with his family sleeping a few hundred feet away probably have a lot to do with that serene look gracing his features,’_ Pidge ruminates, shaking her head to ward away thoughts of how cute her best friend is. _‘Not now, Katie. You’ve got bigger things to worry about than crushes. Like Sendak. Now that’s a real problem.’_

“Right. No time for crushes.” Pidge pulls a spare blanket over Lance, whispering the mantra again a few more times for good measure.

“Why not..? Crushes... Are nice.” A raspy voice slurs, sending Pidge flying across the room like a cat faced with a cucumber.

“You asshole! You’re awake? Were you listening?” She waits. No answer. “What, asleep again? That’s convenient. _Reeeal convenient, Lance_.”

Slowly, she hazards a return to her bed, sitting beside the lanky giant in her bed. He’s definitely sleeping. _‘Okay. Bigger problems do exist. But also. He’s sleeping like a log. I should get these feelings out of my system now rather than later. After all, my mental health needs to be in tip-top shape to keep poring through those Castle of Lions files, and if I'm distracted with thoughts of this dork, I'll never get any work done. It's brilliant. I won't even leave a paper trail behind like this!’_

"Okay, Lance." Pidge rubs her palms together, then regrets it because they're all sweaty. Wonderful. "Can. Can you call me Katie, just once?"

 _‘Oh geez, my voice cracked. What am I, twelve? Also that was a stupid thing to start off with, you absolute prokaryote,'_ Pidge chastises herself, but her mental dialogue ceases instantly when she sees the corner of Lance’s lip twitch a bit.

"Who's Katie? That's a cute name."

 _'I'm never letting him call me Katie while he's conscious. Ever. I will spontaneously combust. I will die.'_ Pidge wheezes, clutching her chest with one hand and tugging at the collar of her t-shirt with the other. "Hey Lance,” She leans in, her voice lower than a whisper, “I think you’re pretty cool.”

“Thanks, Princess. I think you’re pretty and cool, yourself.” He breathes; a bit of a furrow between his brows betraying his otherwise tranquil features. Pidge’s own brows furrow together as she hugs her knees and sighs. _‘This was a bad idea. But will I stop? Probably not.’_

“So despite everything that happened with Lotor, you still have a thing for Allura, don’t you?” She digs her nails into her thighs, but they’re too short to do any damage, and too dull to snap her out of her disappointment. A bitter laugh slips past her lips. “If that makes you a hopeless idiot, then what does that make me? I've been here longer than she has. Granted, I didn't actually figure out what I was feeling until a bit too late, but.. Am I an even worse idiot for still holding onto hope when there was obviously never any to begin with?”

“Better hope than despair. I don’t want to see that bear again. He can smell fear.”

“You know what else he can smell? Sore losers like you and me. Hear that? That's his laugh. _Upupupu._ ”

“Not the bear.. He’s a bastard...” Lance curls up, his back now to Pidge. “Don’t worry, though.. If he finds us, I’ll protect you..”

Pidge scoffs. “Yeah, sure. Whatever you say.” Bile rises in her throat, but she reminds herself that she has to see this through now. She can't do it later. Living in times like this means you never know when you'll have another chance. She can't waste this opportunity. "...What do you even see me as, anyway? Am I some punk little sibling to you? A fellow prankster? A bro? Some weird gremlin? Or am I Friend B? Am I Pidge, or am I Katie? Sometimes even I don't know how to act around you. I don't know what you expect of me."

"Human or dancer.."

"What do you want me to be, Lance?"

"You can be anything when you grow up.. Don't let your dreams be dreams.."

"Easier said than done, dweeb." Amber eyes look to the postcard of a sunset she's kept nearby for years, prompting her to grab it without thinking. The edges have dulled and the ink along the border is faded; both results of holding the paper too many times. "A billion sunsets happen every day," she reminisces. "But this one's always been your favorite one, hasn't it, Lance?"

"I miss the beach. But the bear's there, too. Lurking." Lance mumbles into her pillow, wrapping an arm around it and holding it close.

 _'God, I wish that was me.'_ Pidge sighs, sticking the postcard back up on the wall. "I wish I was a sunset."

Pidge closes her eyes and sees the blue-clad paladin lunge at Ezor with a vicious look in his eyes. His **_“Don’t you touch her!”_ ** still rings in her ears. Her stomach gets all weirdly atwitter whenever she thinks about it. She swallows thickly and keeps talking.

"Is... Is Allura really still your favorite sunset?"

"Warm.."

“I mean, I get it. She literally brought you back to life with that OP Altean magic, didn’t she?” Pidge struggles to keep her voice monotonous. “Like, she even quiznaking put Shiro’s soul into a new body. I.. I feel like I owe her so much for saving the lives of two of the people most precious to me. Even I acknowledge that I probably would've been useless in those situations... But I don't want to let her have you right now. Or ever. You shouldn't have to be her second choice.” Her voice cracks a bit as she continues.

"I'm afraid you're going to end up hurt, Lance. I'm not the best at reading people, but even I can see she hasn't gotten over Lotor's betrayal." Small shaking fists grip the bed sheets. Her knuckles are white. "It hit us all hard, but it hit her hardest. You should know that better than anyone. So why do you still look like you're looking at a sunset when you're smiling at her? It isn't fair, and I'm not being fair, and I hate feeling like this and I hate you for it. Take those rose-tinted glasses off."

"The rose rabbit's friendly. The bear is the mean one."

“Then again, she's got more good qualities than bad, so I guess you wouldn't care as long as she gave you the illusion of a fighting chance, huh? Aside from being magical, she’s pretty, she’s strong, she’s smart, she’s a real leader, she’s talented, and even I’d probably want to date her if she were a little younger, and also if I wasn’t already totally in l-love with the original pilot of the Blue Lion.”

“Love…”

Pidge blushes furiously up to her ears. Hearing a sleeping Lance say the “L”-word and "Katie" are good enough memories to last a lifetime in the daydream bank, despite the emotional pain and turmoil she had to go through to get here. “...A-Anyway, I think I’m pretty cool, too. I've saved your butt once or twice, too. I think I’m fun to be around, that I’m pretty smart, and that I’m strong, and maybe not as drop-dead gorgeous as the princess, but I’m not horrible to look at, right? And we like the same video games! I… I think I’m worth your attention. Don’t you?” She wipes her eyes before tears have the chance to fully form, breathing in one more shaky breath before exhaling, feeling all the tension in her flow out in one fluid motion.

"Anyway, this was a good talk. Let's not do that again, okay?" When she turns, it is to be greeted with a wonderful sight. Her pillow is getting drooled on.

“...Nice. I have a crush on a real smooth guy here.”


	2. I Know I Can Count On You, So Please Count On Me A Bit More

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Lance reveals that he's been thinking a lot about the value of a certain green paladin, with a special appearance by Colleen!
> 
> these are all rly short but I hope I'm getting a decent story across lol
> 
> chapter 3 coming soon, probably

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i headcanon Pidge as being a bit of a more chatty sleep-talker; she can hold conversations and such, whereas Lance mumbles a few phrases here and there, but isn't always coherent. lol. i hope the chapter edits reflect that.

Lance is on the hunt for one (1) Pidge tonight. She’s been working overtime in that cold room with all the big computers in it almost every night, desperate to find something that could help them defeat Sendak as soon as possible. He gets it. And he wants to help. But there’s not much he can do on the tech side of things.

Then there’s her family matters. He and the rest of Team Voltron always made sure to take turns getting her food and making sure she slept in her room, but that role’s been reprised by her mother.

All he can do to show her his support is to keep her a bit of silent company, or to join her for the occasional game night. It feels weird to be even more useless than usual, but she seems to appreciate the company, so he’ll keep doing it for as long as she needs him to. He hopes she won't tell him to leave her alone any time soon. That'd hurt. He doesn't want to think about that.

When he arrives at his destination, he catches Colleen Holt walking out.

“Hello Lance,” she smiles, though it makes Lance feel kinda queasy rather than relaxed. 

“Evening, Mrs. Holt,” he nods, wiping his sweaty palms subtly on his pants. “Just here to hang out with Pidge for a while.”

She nods knowingly, firmly placing a hand on the boy’s tense shoulder. “Before you do, I want to talk to you about something.”

“O-Oh.. Kay?” He squeaks. Colleen’s serious look dissolves into one of mirth.

“Relax. I just want to thank you properly for helping to take care of Katie.” She releases his shoulder and smiles. Lance absentmindedly notes that Pidge takes after her mom to a ridiculous extent, all the way down to the way their eyes crinkle at the corners when they grin. “That girl can be a handful sometimes, and she’s always had trouble making friends, so I’m truly grateful to all of you for accepting and cherishing her as she is. I don't think I've ever seen her happier.”

Not for the first time ever, Lance is left winded. The blush blooming on his face makes his cheeks tingle. “O-Of course! She’s done a lot for all of us! Honestly..” His blue eyes meet her golden brown and he feels safer somehow, like their familiarity comforts him. That’s interesting. “I really don’t think we’d have gotten this far without Pidge. It’s thanks to her that we even made it back here in the first place, and that I was able to see my family again... I should really be thanking you.." Lance pauses for a split second to catch his breath before continuing, "Everyone loves her and her sassy self,” he rambles, “and even though we got off to a bit of a rocky start, I basically consider her my best fr--”

Colleen’s laugh cuts his monologue short, and brings a deeper flush to his face. Her smile looks a lot gentler than it did at the beginning of their interaction. “I’m sorry, I just.. I really am glad it's you."

The perplexed look on the boy's face only makes her laugh harder. "You're a good kid, McClain." With that she steps away from the doorway, giving Lance a soft push into the computer room before he can say anything else. Not that he could have anyway; he was too busy forcing his brain to cool down enough to function again. Why did that conversation not feel like it was about what she said it was about? Why did he trip all over himself like that? What was she trying to tell him? "Your mom's something else, isn't she, Pidge?"

No answer. Not even the click-clacking of Pidge's quick fingers could be heard. The little gremlin’s passed out in that usual bad posture slumped over the table again. He can’t help but to snicker. “Tired, Pidge?”

“I don’t get tired…” Pidge moans, face buried in her arms. “I get results..”

Lance’s eyes and his smile widen. “Did I finally catch this elusive cryptid sleep talking?”

“Who’re you callin’ a cryptid, mothman? You're the only cryptid here...” The petite paladin doesn’t raise her head. Lance raises a brow.

“Okay, wow, first of all; rude. Second of all, are you actually asleep or are you just messing with me?”

“Oh, so the cryptid wants to parley. Fair enough.” She turns her head a little. Lance is pleased to find that she is, in fact, very much asleep. “In that case, c’mere so I can interrogate you. For science.”

 _‘Oh, this’ll be fun.’_ Lance pulls up a seat next to the sleeping girl, ready to play her game. “Sure. Ask away.”

"What are you doing here?"

"Here... With you?" He quirks his head, watching her wrinkle her nose in disapproval. She looks like a kitten. It takes nerves of steel to resist the urge to boop her nose.

"I'm the one asking the questions, bub. Don't push it." It's hard to believe she's really asleep. It's a bit scary. "What're you doing on this planet?"

"I'm here.. With friends. We're on an intergalactic cruise, and we came here to surf some waves!" He dissolves into giggles as he goes on, and the way Pidge seems to nod her head a bit in response to his statements only makes him want to laugh harder. He could get used to this.

_'Get used to this? That's a weird thought. Not a bad thought, probably. But not a normal thought. Right? I think I'm right.'_

“Okay.. So how many of you are there?"

"Well, the chief of the group is this angsty broody emo guy, but I guess I respect him enough to let him lead." He ignores the quick exhale Pidge lets out.  _'That was a laugh. She's laughing at me in her sleep. Escuincle sinvergüenzas..'_

"Then there's a really brave guy who's really good with his hands for fixing things  _and_ cooking. There's also a literal spirit possessing a corpse, a gorgeous and brilliant necromancer responsible for that event, a new cool feisty girl with one hell of a past that we recently met, and everyone's favorite kinda clueless but well-meaning uncle figure." He pauses. "And then there's our resident tech wizard. She's a bit of a mad scientist, but everyone on board would probably literally die for her."

“Take me.”

“What?” Lance blinks.

“To that mad scientist. I want to talk science with them.”

“Oh,” Lance brought his hands down onto the table, mirroring Pidge’s pose. She looks so angelic in her sleep; it's hard to believe that she's capable of grinning so devilishly sometimes. “I can’t do that. But I can tell you more about her, if you want.”

“Close enough, I suppose. Please proceed, mothman.”

“Right..” He yawns. Seeing her sleeping face was making him sleepy. Comfortable. At home. Weird.

He finds himself squinting to count her faded freckles while he goes on about his so-called fellow moth pilot. How she’s a genius, and how he thinks it’s cool that she’s so passionate about science-y stuff, and that even if he doesn’t always get what she’s talking about, she tries to explain it to him anyway. How she’s a wild card, but her spontaneity makes her really fun to be around. How she's always one beat ahead of him, but they always seem to be running to the same rhythm. How she’s so confident in her skills, that he’s never once doubted her ability to do something once she’s put her mind to it. How they like the same video games. His voice gets lower and slower as he goes on; his consciousness slipping. Part of him knows he shouldn’t fall asleep here because his back is gonna kill him later, but he can’t be bothered to get up.

“Sounds like.. You care a lot about her.” Pidge turns her face back to the table. “She’s lucky to have someone special like you. I wish I had that, sometimes.”

That string of phrases does the job in rousing him from his near-slumber real quick.

“W-What does that mean? Hey, what're you..” He sits up and leans in closer to Pidge, listening for the slow breathing indicative of sleep. She definitely hasn’t woken up, and yet she’s managed to rustle Lance’s jimmies something fierce. He needs some time to cool down again. This cold room isn’t enough. No, he needs a nice cold shower, even if it’ll ruin his sleep schedule.

With a gentle yet firm grip, he scoops Pidge up princess-style and carries her tiny frame back to her room.

"You're such a dork, Pidge. We all care a lot about you. I thought that much was clear when they targeted you back on that Galra pirate ship." He opens her door and carefully steps around the mess that is all her stuff strewn about the floor to make it safely to her bed. While leaving, he turns to look at her one more time. "I don't know how else to tell you that you're important. I just hope I'm important, too. To the team, and to you. Sometimes I'm not so sure if I am, or if anyone sees me as more than just the paladin equivalent of the class clown. I want to be more than that. Like Keith, like Hunk, and like you."

Before he can embarrass himself further, he shuts her door and leans on it. They’ve both done enough talking for the night.


	3. Time Apart To Clear Our Heads Is Good, Probably

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pidge is a simple soul. Hugs are nice. Lance, however, might actually need to say some things aloud before his brain can process them. He just needs someone to listen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's no sleep-talking in this chapter.. sorry!! though i do hope i did the characters some justice,, this was mainly a self-indulgent fluff chapter because i'm sad we didn't see more actual deep interactions between any of my kids and i imagine they have a lot to talk about so @ vld team please  
> let!!! my!!! kids!!! talk!!! to!!! each!!! other!!! about!!! their!!! feelings!!!  
> please i'm sure they've all gone thru rough shit lol pls they need LOVE AND SUPPORT FROM THEIR PEERS
> 
> (also pidge's section is really short, and i might make it longer?? but also i'm kinda satisfied with it as of now, because i feel like adding more to it would make it too clunky? idk!!! she's not the one struggling to accept feelings, and she's a confident girl who knows what she wants, so she doesn't really need a pep talk. Lance, however... woo nelly. that's one confused boyo.)

“I’m telling you Romelle, it’s absolutely hysterical. Shiro said he's heard them talking about all sorts of wacky stuff when he walks around at night.” Hunk saunters towards the dining hall with their newest space friend in tow.

“But how can they answer you if they’re unconscious? That’s a contradiction in and of itself, isn’t it?” Romelle tilts her head, her flowing golden locks swaying with each step. Confusion is replaced with a grin when she proposes a theory.

“Maybe they’re being possessed by vengeful spirits or something, and their sleep voices are their real voices trying to warn us!” The blonde’s eyes widen and she shuffles back and forth quickly, assuming a boxing stance. “Can we punch the spirits out of them like they did in that movie you showed me?”

Hunk chokes on his own laughter. “Please d-don’t punch them; that’s not how you exorcise people on Earth. Irregular sleep behavior just a funny thing that happens sometimes. The only weird thing is that it's been happening more frequently now. I don’t think it ever happened back at the castle, honestly..” He scratches his chin. They’d all fallen asleep in the castle's paladin’s lounge on multiple occasions, but sure enough, nobody had ever engaged in actual sleep dialogue until now.

Romelle frowns, then tries suggesting another theory. “So… Do you think it might be because we don’t get the chance to talk much during the day, since we’re all busy? They’re usually really chatty, so maybe their voices just come out even if their brains don’t tell them to?” Slim fingers fiddle with a loose thread on her tunic, and then they instinctively reach up to protect her face from slamming into a broad back. They didn’t make it in time.

“Ow, sorry, Hunk. You alright? Why’d we stop?” She rubs her nose, walking around to the front of the mountain standing in her way.

“That’s it.” He whispers as a realization dawns on him.

“...Hunk?”

He snaps out of his trance very suddenly, grabbing Romelle’s biceps and grinning devilishly. “Rome, you’re a genius! C’mon!”

Hunk breaks into a sprint, followed closely by his fellow new partner in nosiness. “...Wait, where are we even going?!”

“I need some help from Keith if we’re gonna get rid of the weird air between these nerds!”

* * *

Pidge doesn’t look up from the laptop settled upon her chest. Pillow hair and the bags under her eyes are reminders that she hasn’t had a proper night’s sleep in a while. “Movie night? I dunno, Hunk.. I was looking forward to getting some shut-eye as soon as I’m done here…”

She’s been putting off sleeping for as long as possible for several days now. Ever since Shiro let slip that that she’s been sleep talking, everyone’s been wanting to have a conversation with “Pidge After Dark”. If this phenomenon had begun a year ago, she wouldn’t have minded the extra attention at all. But now… She has concerns of a confidential nature that she doesn’t want her traitorous mouth to blab about. The less time she spends sleeping, the less time she’ll have to speak. Probably not great to do this while she’s supposed to be recuperating, but it’s a risk she’s willing to take.

Hunk duly notes that she isn’t doing anything to hide her sense of trepidation. “C’mon, Pidge,” he grabs and wiggles her ankle, “we all need some urgent team bonding time. I’m loving spending time with my family, but I can sense Yellow reminding me that Voltron’s job isn’t over. We can’t stay like this forever. We haven’t really all hung out like we used to ever since--”

She raises a hand. “Yeah, I know. I know. I think we’re all getting nagged by our lions right now. This deeper bond with them is a blessing and a curse. But I’m not really ready to jump back into paladin stuff yet, okay?”

“...Pidge.” Hunk’s expression brings physical pain to her chest. “You know the real reason we’re getting together isn’t for paladin stuff, right? We’re all still shaken up from that fight. We just want to be around each other again. Even Keith is down with this, and you know he usually isn’t one to agree to letting all of us dogpile on him. We all just need to sit and hug everything out, yeah? Have a good ol’ feels jam without Coran, or Shiro, or anyone else sticking their noses in our business. Original Garrison Squad style, plus dropout Keith.”

“Oh, geez.” She sighs, taking Matt’s glasses off and rubbing the bridge of her nose. Now she feels all guilty and gross for avoiding everyone. “I’ll go… But only if I get to starfish at the top of the pile. And if Kosmo is there."

“Deal!” Hunk’s big doe eyes light up like fireworks and he beams, warming Pidge’s heart, and warming her whole torso with one of his great, All-Paladins-Approved™ Bear Hugs. “Team Punk?”

_‘I’m going to regret this.’_

"Team Punk." Pidge returns the embrace, leaning up to whisper in Hunk's ear. "...And also, don't let me fall asleep. If I find out I talked in my sleep again, I will personally perform biopsies on all three of you to see if the long term effects of living in space have wrecked your brains.”

"Ha ha.. Y-You're only kidding about the biopsies, right?"

"That's for me to know, and for you to avoid finding out at all costs, isn't it, Hunk?"

* * *

“I mean, I’m down for a movie night, but I’m tired, man. Not to mention that I was also kinda enjoying this little vacation without seeing your naturally grumpy eyebrows all the time.” Lance sips on his already-empty water pouch, relishing in that loud slurp sound that seems to grate on Keith’s nerves.

“Leave my eyebrows out of this, McClain. You’re on thin fucking ice.” He points angrily at his literal right hand pilot. “Ugh, I wish they’d’ve let me talk to Pidge instead of you.” Keith groans, leaning the foot of Lance’s bed. He’s just out of Lance’s leg range. It’s very intentional.

 _‘A real shame.’_ Lance grimaces when even his outstretched toes fail to make contact with that offending back.

“Well then why don’t you scram and go talk to her if you like her so much, Chief?” Lance snaps, quickly shuffling further down his bed to try to land a good foot stamp on Keith’s shoulder blade. Unfortunately for him, he’s too slow for that, _“_ Twinkle-toed scumbag.” He stands and turns to face Lance, arms crossed and eyebrows grumpier than usual.

“Can a conversation between us not have to feel like pulling teeth? Nobody else is even here right now. Nobody to impress, and nobody to watch you embarrass yourself except for me. You good?”

The fire fueling Lance’s temper fizzles out faster than it started, leaving his shoulders slumped and his head drooped. “...Yeah. M’sorry.”

Keith slowly makes his way to the guest chair beside Lance’s bed, turning it first so he can sit in it backwards. He spends a few moments simply staring out the window in silence while Lance regains his composure. Finally, he turns to look at Lance.

“...You look awful. Have you not gotten any sleep lately?” He states bluntly, earning an eye-twitch from the brunette.

“I was under the impression that nobody else could sleep too well after all that, but I guess it’s good to know I’m alone in this again.” Lance sighs. “It doesn’t help that I’ve had a lot on my mind lately. Weird daydreams have also been depriving me of any naps I want to take during sunlight hours.”

Keith nods, reaching up to scratch at the tag on the back of his Garrison-issued hospital shirt. “I mean, I’m pretty used to functioning on less hours, but I’m honestly not sure how the others are faring aside from Shiro. From what Hunk and Romelle have told me, Allura’s already better and off helping with modifications to the Atlas, and Pidge turned her room into some kind of isolation chamber, so that’s a thing. I’m surprised you haven’t gone to try to see her yet.”

“I did, though. Once.” Lance frowns. “She either pretended not to be there, or maybe she really just couldn’t hear me over the sound of her video games. After that, I didn’t try again. I figured she could come out whenever she was ready.”

Violet eyes scan Lance’s mopey face, then return to staring at the fabric pills in the hospital sheets. “..Look, dude. I mean.. Lance.”

Lance looks up from his lap at Keith expectantly.

“I’m not great at talking, but I guess I’m decent at listening? So, like, I’m not sure I can offer much solid advice, but I’m here for whatever venting you wanna do and support you might need? Because it sounds like you have a lot weighing on you.”

Several seconds of silence tick by while Keith’s fists ball up in embarrassment and Lance’s eyes widen and narrow repeatedly in both awe and suspicion. Then he bursts into laughter.

“..Damn. Your new mature attitude is making it harder for me to jokingly hate you. Now I’m gonna have to nit-pick at tiny little details if I wanna make a fuss about anything you do from now on.”

“..Thanks, I guess?” Keith chuckles nervously, relieved that his olive branch is indeed  being taken with grace. “Do you still wanna talk about it?”

The red paladin smiles thinly. “Kinda? Like. I got some nice validation and support from the team, but most importantly, myself, during that last battle, when I finally realized that I’m part of a whole, and that our sum is greater than our individual parts. But up until then, I’d been feeling pretty useless when it came to solving the Sendak problem, and as a paladin in general. Red didn’t even show up for me until I’d literally accepted that I was gonna die shielding my sister from Galra fighters.” Lance chuckles without mirth. “I’d embraced death again, but this time, my sister was there, so I did it without any hesitation.”

Keith nods knowingly. “Having someone else’s life on the line does do wonders for getting rid of self-preservation instincts.”

“Yeah, but as messed up as it was, it got me thinking about other times I’ve been in other similar situations, and.. Oh, heck..” Lance’s face begins to resemble that of his lion’s in color. He pulls the bed sheet up to his chest and clenches it tight. “I immediately thought about the time I lunged at two very dangerous giant half-galra space pirates without caring about what would happen to me--”

There’s a brief flash of recognition in the raven-haired boy’s eyes. “To protect Pidge.”

“..Yeeeeah…” Lance flops further down his pillows, burying his face into one. “My body moved before I had a chance to think, and when I realized what I was doing, I ended up getting tossed to the side like a sack of potatoes. But I didn’t care about anything but making sure they didn’t lay a finger on her. Is that weird? Why was I the only one that jumped?”

A cough. “I can really only speak for myself again, but.. I was waiting for a better moment to strike. Also, if you yell while you’re attacking, you tend to reduce the effectiveness of your attack and your surprise factor gets tossed out the window, so--”

“Lay off the combat tactics lesson, old man.” Lance whines. “Anyway, I ended up pretty shocked that my first thought was of Pidge, and not of the time Allura almost let us and an entire planet be vaporized by radioactivity to bring me back to life like some kind of Space Jesus.”

“..And now you’re realizing that you’ve actually been in love with the androgynous nerd instead of the charming princess that space magyk’d you back to life, all along! Is that it? That’s…” Keith snickers. “Now that’s top tier.”

"This isn't funny, Keith!" Lance retaliates, throwing one of his many pillows in the now-dodging paladin's general direction.

"Loverboy Lance, done in by the girl-next-door!" He howls with laughter. "Oh, wow. She deserves better, honestly."

"Don't you think I know that already?"

"C'mon Lance, you know I don't mean it that way." Keith's voice softens as he tones his laughter down. "So how did this even happen? Your life flashed before your eyes and suddenly you realized you've been wrong about your true love from the start?"

“It’s not that simple and your timeline isn’t quite right at all, but I mean, if you want the bootleg TV drama SparkNotes version, then yeah, kinda?”

“I see.” Keith grins, giving Lance a few firm pats on the back while he lay there steeping in his existential dread. By the time the brunette sits up again, Keith is halfway out the door. He waves goodbye with his back turned to Lance. “Movie night. My room. Tonight. Be there or I’ll drag your sorry ass over personally.”

“Fiiine.” Lance rolls back over, hugging one pillow in particular that has a really pleasant smell. He doesn’t remember getting it, but it’s helped a lot lately. More so than the other pillows on his bed, for some reason.

_‘Now I just need to figure out when and how I can talk to Pidge about all this..’_


	4. I Want To Tell You Everything, But I'm Not Good At Words. I'll Tell You Anyway Though, So Please Listen To The Sounds My Heart's Making

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Four paladins get together for high fantasy movie night. Two of them decide this is as good a time as any to talk.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry this is late!! also sorry x10 if it doesn't read super well; i'm wrapping this up at 3am (this whole got dam story was written between the wee hours of midnight and 4am over the course of several days lol) so if it isn't coherent, i'll come back and fix it... again... lol

The pillow fort they built together is a little lopsided, but sturdy nonetheless. Comfort is the most important factor in the end, and they’ve nailed that aspect, so aesthetics don’t really matter much.

Then again, the fact that there are lots of pointy elbows and knees to avoid in favor of softer surfaces like thighs and stomachs means it’s kinda hard to get extra comfy. For once, Pidge is glad she has the smallest frame of the bunch, because she has more freedom to splay out as she pleases atop her sleeping friends. Kosmo is content to lay in front of the group, though he’s out of Pidge’s reach.

_ ‘Curse these short arms.’ _

Keith’s in the middle, arms raised up on the pillows that make up the back of their fort, while Pidge sits in his lap. To his left, Hunk sits with his arms and legs crossed --  _ ‘How does anyone even fall asleep like that?’ _ \-- and with Pidge’s legs propped up on his thighs. Then to his right, Lance is sitting similarly to the yellow paladin, but his legs aren’t locked together like Hunk’s are. Pidge’s head has nowhere else to go but Lance’s lap. They’re both mildly pleased, but outwardly, the tight-lipped grimaces on both their faces say otherwise.

Neither one really wants to move. They run the risk of waking the others, and that’s not ideal, since they both want to talk. Pidge beats him to it and mutes the movie.

“Nice of them to invite us over and fall asleep forty minutes into The Two Towers, huh? After they went through the trouble of bribing me here..” She whispers, not looking away from the screen.

“I’ll say.” Lance replies, holding back a yawn. “This is nice, though. I did miss you guys.”

“Even Keith?” Teasing eyes finally look up at Lance’s face, but only briefly. He looks as tired as she feels.

“I know it may be hard to believe,” he raises a melodramatic fist, “but we’ve called a truce for this special occasion.”

“I’m proud of you two.” There’s a bit of sarcasm in her tone, but Pidge smiles at him without mischief in her eyes, and Lance wonders when the last time he saw her whole face smile was. It feels like it’s been years, somehow. His stomach does some somersaults in agreement.

The silence they fall into after that is somewhat comfortable, until it isn’t.

“...Lance?” Pidge turns her head as far away from his face as she can without burying her face in his thigh.

“..Yeah?”

“Veronica came to see me not long after Hunk did.” Pidge does her best to regulate her breathing. She hopes Lance can’t tell, but considering that she’s leaning on him, her attempts are futile. “Apparently, she’s been dying for stories about your misadventures, and she wanted to hear them from me the most ever since she heard that I’ve been there for most of them.”

“Oh man, she can be really pushy.. I’m sor--”

“No, I didn’t mind. But, like. I didn’t really have much to tell her.” She may not be breathing super well, but at least she mastered keeping a monotonous voice. “She told me about you and Allura. How you two were all flustered before the fight. Asked me about you two.” With every word she speaks, she feels her throat close up, but she presses on. She can’t believe she’s doing this, but now that it’s being said, she can’t back out. “Didn’t know what to tell her since I didn’t think you two would actually.. But yeah. C-Congrats, I guess.”

It hurts Lance’s heart to hear those words from Pidge. That pain and emptiness in his chest, the nausea, the way his vision blurs -- they’re visceral reminders of the conclusion he’s been struggling to accept for the past several days. Maybe he’s been struggling for longer. He can’t keep ignoring his own feelings anymore.

“Pidge…” His voice cracks, causing the girl to flinch. “Pidge, can you please look at me for a second?” He needs to see her face. To be absolutely certain. He needs to know.

Wiping away tears that threaten to make an appearance is hard to do when you can’t use your hands. It takes her a while to turn around while she tries to pull herself together as subtly as possible, but she does eventually.

Amber eyes meet blue, trying to lock up and hide all the emotions swirling around her head, clouding her mind. Those exhausting thoughts occupy every available cell in her brain, so she doesn’t pick up on the signals Lance is trying to send her with his gaze.

_ ‘There’s nothing between Allura and me.’ _

Then again, maybe the blur from the thin sheen of tears glazing his eyes over isn’t quite helping his attempts at telepathy. Or maybe it’s the fact that his gaze is wandering all over Pidge’s face, relishing in seeing it up close, trying to soak in every detail now that he’s inspecting her under a different light.

“Quiznak.” He breathes, pressing his palms into his eyes. “Pidge.”

No answer. He rubs his eyes and blinks hard, squinting to see her face. Her eyelashes are wet, and her eyes closed. That amount of social interaction of that nature was enough to knock her unconscious for the night.

“Pidge.. I need to tell you while you’re awake, Pidge..” He wipes his tear-streaked hand on his leg and proceeds to put it on Pidge’s forehead to brush her bangs out of her face. “I’ve gotten no sleep because of you, you gremlin.” Lance frowns, moving his hand down to her cheeks to smack them lightly. “It isn’t fair for you to pass out while I’m trying to tell you some very important information.”

Pidge’s nose wrinkles and her eyes open just a sliver. “Make it quick. M’sleepy.”

“...Prove you’re awake first, you cryptid.” He raises a brow and three fingers. “How many fingers am I holding up?”

“Is it the same number of fingers that I’m going to bite off if you don’t get to the point? Or the same number of seconds that you have to live?” She growls, not excited about the prospect of listening to Lance say anything Allura-related.

“Pidge, please.” He pleads, moving his hand down to squeeze her shoulder.

“Whatever. Spit it out already.” Pidge wheezes, mentally preparing herself to give up and leave the room if things go south.

“I..” Lance struggles to swallow. “There’s nothing going on between Allura and me.”

That increases Pidge’s alertness levels better than the energy drink she chugged earlier did. She stays quiet, waiting for him to continue.

“Look, I… There’s someone else I’m…” He hesitates, before making firm eye contact with her. It startles Pidge, but she holds his gaze just as she did earlier.

“I like someone else. Very much.”  _ ‘Maybe even love, but it’s way too soon to blurt that out. I need more time before I can be certain of that.’ _

All of this is news to the girl. For as long as she’s known him, and as long as she’s known of him, he’s always been the type to gravitate towards a certain type of girl. Long legs, heart-shaped faces, laughs as pretty as they are, and bright eyes. Of course, his tastes have changed a bit over time to exclusively mean “Princess Allura”, and then he appeared to stop casually pursuing other girls altogether. After the whole Lotor thing, the only girl she’s seen Lance flirt with is Romelle, though he quickly seemed to realize that she’s in a whole other league.

So unless he’s fallen for some fellow Earthling while she was busy with Sendak stuff, she has no clue who a viable candidate could be.  _ ‘It could be you,’  _ a little voice in her head teases. She almost shakes her head just to get the thought out of her mind.  _ ‘The probability of that isn’t zero… But I don’t want to get my hopes up either…” _

“Pidge?” There’s a strain in Lance’s voice that pierces her abdomen. His eyes are shut tight, like he's in pain too. “Can I tell you a story?”

Part of her wants to say no, but her curiosity overrides every logical part of her brain telling her that now probably isn’t the best time. A quick glance at their two fellow paladins reveals that their eyes are still shut. Good. If they wake up, she’s in close enough range to land direct hits to everyone’s jaws and sprint away. “...I’m listening.”

* * *

It's hard to pinpoint when exactly it started. It wasn't when he first saved her from Sendak's grip with a sick no-scope, not when she revealed her true identity as Katie Holt, and it wasn't when she said she would stay with the team. It wasn't when he caught her carrying some interesting sculptures that resembled the team made from what looked like space junk. It wasn't when she shouted his name at Beta Traz while she went in for an attack on that beefed up warden that was easily fifty times her size. It wasn't at the Space Mall, when getting that gaming console made her smile bright enough to rival the sheen of the battle-class Balmeran crystal they harvested not long after that. It wasn't on Olkarion, when a new light entered her eyes for the first time as she unleashed more of her potential. It definitely wasn't when Pidge landed a head shot on Sven as he was lunging for him back when they entered that alternate reality. It also wasn't when she came back with her brother in tow, looking both ecstatic and terrified, because she'd set out for two family members and only returned with one. It isn't when her eyes are set ablaze by Zarkon's proposition to exchange Lotor for her father. It didn't start while he watched her reunite with her family, after not giving up on seeing them for years, and after all she'd been through. It wasn't when they formed that pact with the Galrans under Lotor's rule and she decided that the next logical course of action was to hack into a sentry and make it join them in their shenanigans. It wasn't when she saved the Castle of Lions from Shiro's evil clone virus, and it wasn't when he ran past her hangar later during their evacuation of the castle and spotted her bringing the space junk sculpture of him into Green's cockpit. It wasn't when he saw the look of bewilderment at his futile attack on Ezor and Zethrid. It wasn't when she held on to his hand for longer than she needed to back when they were stranded in space without their lions. It wasn't when he heard the excitement in her voice as she recognized the Milky Way. It wasn't when he felt their equal desire to fight to protect Earth draw up the energy to summon dual swords for Voltron to fight with.

No, this probably began when she'd put her hand on his shoulder and nodded, prompting him to fly into that wormhole without knowing for certain if he'd ever see his family again. Back when they first found Blue.

That was the first spark. Meeting Allura diverted his attention from that odd sensation, and thus, he forgot about it. It hadn't really crossed his mind again until years later. However, hindsight is 20/20.

The signs were there. They always had been. He'd just been too busy chasing someone else for a while. Then by the time he'd realized it, he was afraid he was too late. She'd honed all her skills and developed into an even more brilliant paladin, and an indispensable asset for the Voltron Coalition. She was too good for him now. 

* * *

"...She may not look like the type I usually flirt with," Lance continues, "but I think I might have learned that I've been repressing a thing for cute prank-loving nerds with freckles and really boop-able noses for a while now. I like you."

He opens his eyes slowly to gauge Pidge's reaction, only to find her silently bawling her eyes out.  _'Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit, oh shit--'_

"You... You're an idiot; you know that, right?" She hiccups, prompting Lance to quickly turn his eyes towards Keith, who probably felt that. And indeed he had. It feels like his violet gaze is a shiv in his lung, knocking him windless. Hunk is also staring, though his look isn't severe. It's more of a pitying look, which only makes Lance more flustered.

"Wh--" Lance's tone is indignant. "How long have you two been listening?"

"D'you really wanna know?" Hunk grins, though at least he has the decency to look sheepish. Keith, on the other hand, almost looks smug.

"How could we possibly fall asleep knowing that there'd finally be a resolution to this tired old love story if we just waited patiently?"

"Shut up, you dorks." Pidge sits up, and Lance already misses her warmth on his thighs. Before he can glare for too long at Keith for being Pidge's current seat, she wiggles off to sit between the two. Tears still stream freely down her face, regardless of how many she wipes off.

She turns to look at Lance, who is overcome by the urge to reach up and cup her face, helping to wipe some tears away. "I think everyone suspected about this except for us." She laughs. Her voice is soft, still afraid.

"Wait, so you.. Do you feel the same, Pidge?"

"No shit, Sherlock." She chuckles. "I have... For a while now."

"Oh...." Lance feels himself go a vivid shade of red. His face aches from the grin threatening to split his face in half. "That's... That's a really nice thing to hear..."

He jumps a bit when he feels a small thumb on his face. He hadn't realized he was crying. "I'm sorry, I just--"

Pidge interrupts him by grabbing his hands in her own. Hers don't quite engulf his like his do hers, but he's swept off his feet by the gesture regardless. "It's okay. Me too. I... lo-- like you, too."

"Pidge..." His chest starts to heave as all the emotions he's been holding back finally break free. He pulls away from her grip, opting instead to hug her close with one hand on the small of her waist, and another resting atop her head. "Katie..."

"C'mon, Lance. We can't both be crying while we confess our feelings; what is this?" She laughs between sobs, extending an arm to the other two paladins still watching them like a live studio audience watching a bad sitcom. "You two gotta get in on this, too."

The four embrace and settle into a comfortable sleep minutes later. They'd later recall that as the first night they were all able to sleep remarkably well, without nightmares or sleep-talking or any other inconveniences.

Of course, the sleep-talking and the nightmares never really stopped happening... Except now, they knew that holding each others' hands could keep those occurrences at bay.

That was a good enough excuse as any to hold hands all the time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We've reached the end!!!!! (unless I go back and edit this for the 5000th time.. but hopefully I won't have to make too many changes...)  
> also if the ending feels a bit weak i apologize... i've never actually fully finished a fic before (all i have done is start projects but never finish bc i'm bad at it lol)... so i wasn't sure how to end it. i hope this works! :'^)  
> [if i'm not satisfied with it i might change it but idk, idk, idk]  
> Thank you all so much for sticking with me through my rocky re-introduction to writing fanfics!!! I look forward to putting out more content to keep watering plance in the future!

**Author's Note:**

> this is my first time writing for the VLD fandom (I've previously written for the AoT/SnK, Homestuck, and Ace Attorney fandoms under different pseudonyms, but I haven't actually written any proper prose in years lmao) and also I have no beta reader because none of my friends like VLD so have this unedited thing I spit out after reading a post on tumblr about how cute it is that my two babes Lance and Pidge both sleep-talk!!!
> 
> anyway thank u for reading!!! <3


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